Day 7 on the Camino. 111 miles down. Less than 100 to go. My feet are in shreds.  Say it with me people, “SHA-reds.” You would have thought I spent this past year relaxing on a beach, softening up these little toesies of mine.  Sure, there was some beach time but there was also tons of walking.  I would average 7-10 miles daily when walking around a new city.  I didn’t expect this Camino to be a  cakewalk, but in no way did I anticipation the blister-fest my feet have become. Without making excuses, my bag is heavy, we are walking far distances and my shoes have really taken a beating this year thus providing little support. It is what it is. I’ve said it about Dramamine, but I’ll say it about Compeed (the blister bandaids,) shout out to God for creating the scientist who invented these. Best things ever.

Life on the Camino is just so interesting. You see all the same familiar faces along the way. It’s a constant stopping and starting. Passing and being passed.  Waving and “Buen Camino”-ing (“Buen Camino” being the official way pilgrims greet each other out here.) I love talking to people and want to ask 1,000 questions right from the get-go usually starting with “Tell me where and when you were born.” But instead, I try to be more of an observer on this round through. A clear eyed, realistic observer.  People aren’t saints out here.  It’s easy to self proclaim ourselves as such, but I’ve seen it all. From overhearing catty remarks, to seeing cliques forming and even witnessing some less than stellar behavior, one thing’s for sure-people are people.

The other day, I overheard a group of pilgrims discussing a woman who they had recently met along the way. One girl said to her friend, “She’s kinda cheating.  She always sends her bag ahead.  What a packer slacker.” Sending ones’ bag ahead can be common practice on the Camino, for people who don’t want to carry a heavy backpack for 15-20 miles each day.  We’ve seen people out here of all ages and physical abilities. We even met a woman with a broken arm and sprained knee.  Good for her! If I had a broken arm and sprained knee I would NOT be on the Camino. My biggest physical hurtle would be moving my arm in a 90 degree angle to get the bonbon from the container to my mouth. I wanted to turn to the “packer slacker” comment lady and say “Judge not, lest you be judged woman!” Let’s walk more and judge less. We’re all doing the best we can.  The Camino is the last place these behaviors should be present. But, I need to remember we’re not saints out here.

Today my daily intention was thinking about and praying for all the people in my life who have “wronged” me.  We all have a list of those who have slighted us in some way over the years. Big deals, little digs, the list can grow if you let it.  

Today I opened the vault on the past and dug out the not so pretty memories. High school, college, and all the years since. I tried to remember moments that I don’t think about often, but when I do still give me a shot of pain to the gut.  I thought about the people in those situations, wished them well, and let it melt away. I also reflected on the role I played in creating or worsening certain problems.  Unfortunately, random, horrible things can happen to good people but more often than not we have some responsibility for the times we’re not treated well. Not standing up for ourselves or not properly communicating our feelings. It’s so easy to sit back and be victimized; to not take any responsibility, and only place blame. But to think back and say “This was my role and this is what I could have done differnetly,” that gives us power. 

I spent the day turning back the roladex of memories, pulling out each one by one and mentally ripping them up.  I forgave people, forgave myself for “wronging” others, took responsibility, and released it. Why keep this stuff? “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” I don’t want to die, not even emotionally speaking, so it had to be done.

Did it help? Yup. Did I fix it all and I am now a perfect person? Of course not. We’re all a work in progress. Hopefully each day we’re improving, bit by bit to make ourselves better people. Let’s be easy on ourselves and validate the baby steps.  After all, no one’s a saint out here.